Thoughts and reflections.

If you are reading this to hear about the exciting things I'm doing, stop now. I feel like writing and reflecting, and I've done enough in my journal..and I'm too lazy to get it, while my laptop is on my lap.
If I were to ever write a novel I decided that it would be a coming of age novel- but that's probably just because that is what I'm going through right now. If I were fifty I would say "If I were ever to right a novel it would be about the transition of your children not needing you anymore". There are a lot of those coming of age novels around, so I doubt mine would be ground breaking. It definitely wouldn't be a Catcher in the Rye that's for sure. But it would for sure be in stream of consciousness. I like people to read what I'm thinking. To know what the character is thinking makes the reader feel like they are the character. I think I would also use dreams to show what the character is going through. There are some dreams people have that truly mean nothing, but I think a lot of dreams we have reflect what's going on in our lives- some more obvious then others. I would put in a dream that means something- like Dostoevsky does in Crime and Punishment.
I had a dream two nights ago that I think would work really well. Here it is:
I was sitting watching a wedding be prepared when I realized it was my wedding. The music was about to start for people to start walking down the aisle and I realized that I didn't have my dress on. I ran upstairs to frantically try and get ready. I started yelling for my mom to come help me, but she wouldn't come. "Mom! I don't even know where my dress is! Come help me!"
"It's in the trunk!"
"Mom please I need your help!"
But she wouldn't come. I didn't understand. She helped Amber at her wedding. Why wasn't she helping me? Who am I marrying? For some reason in this dream I could not think of the name of the guy I was marrying. I thought to myself I probably shouldn't be getting married if I can't even remember his name. It made me so mad that I couldn't remember. And then I just sat there with my dress on and my hair half way done realizing that my mom was not coming up to help me get ready. And then I woke up in my dream and told Kinsey about it. She said "It means you want to get married". I told her I didn't think that is what it means. And then I woke up for real.
I would use that dream in my stream of consciousness, becoming of age novel- if I were to ever write one. The character would be homesick or going through a transition of independence. The people they depended on for help before wouldn't or couldn't help them.
That's what I was thinking about all day yesterday. Saturday was a bad day. Sunday was a day of reflection. I had some much needed alone time and some much needed God time.
This morning my Solo Bible told me to get on my face and kneel to God asking him for direction. I don't know about a clear answer I got, but there is something about putting your face on the ground in reverence. It was peaceful? Rejuvenating? I can't seem to find the right word. Maybe it was both. Whatever it was- it was good.
If I ever write a novel I think my character might do that.