When You Shine, I Come Alive

Last week at the high school youth group I help with, we sang a worship song in which the chorus goes: "When You shine, I come alive. I'm on fire for You. I'm on fire for You."
As I sang that I thought to myself, when do I see God shine? I saw God shine in Ukraine. Easy. It's amazing how we open our eyes to see God's work, when we are in a different place or country.
But have I seen God shine here? Have I looked?
A couple of weeks ago I was reading an update on my dear friend Amy as she goes through this ridiculous battle of healing. It was a relatively encouraging update because she is healing, but there are some complications with the medicine and some other thing that I don't understand. Granted, I was a little emotional that night, but as I was talking to my mom about it on the phone, I couldn't stop crying. This isn't fair that this is happening to Amy and her family. My mom kept saying, "God is going to use this" and "We can't see how God is using this yet". I wanted to scream "I'm sick and tired of God 'using' crap situations!" I thought: God can do good things and use other situations with out putting Amy and her family through all of this.
When You shine, I come alive.
In reality, my mom's right. I could only see the negative in this situation. God can and will use this for something good. Even if I never see the good of it, I have to trust Him. And when I think about how Amy and her family have to trust Him even more than I do and how she is so amazing in doing that, I just feel ridiculous.
I have to seek God to see Him shine. I have to look for it. If I keep myself buried in the negative aspects of life, with out looking for the potential of God's love, I'm not going to see it. And I'm not going to come alive. Christ is what makes me alive and by seeing his work around me I can begin to live to my full potential I have been created for.
Whatever is going on around me, if I seek God and continue to try and see his abounding love in all situations- I'll come alive. Because

I wanna burn bright like a star in the night.
Fall fall and surrender it all.
Sing awhile and believe like a child.
I just want to be your reflection.
When you shine, I come alive.
I'm on fire for you.
I'm on fire for you.

May we seek to see God shine in all situations and may his love overflow out of our lives onto others. May we come alive in Christ. Amen

Before I forget

There are a couple stories from Ukraine that I have to tell before I start talking about getting back into life at Point Loma.
They're both short but were super impacting for me at least. They are two huge reasons while I believe that it is so important and beneficial to return somewhere.
The Sunday we came back to Kiev, after camp, we went to our host Andrey's apartment for his home church he had started. One of the girls that came happened to be a girl that went to Odessa with me three years ago. Walking back to the metro I got to catch up with her a little bit. When we were in Odessa together we went and visited a group of boys that lived on the street. One of them had to be taken to the hospital because he had pneumonia. The next couple days we were there, we visited him in the hospital. His name was Sergei. He was eighteen at the time, I think. Anyways, while I was talking to Anya she asked if I remembered him. When I said yes, she told me the rest of his story. After he got out of the hospital he went to live with the woman we stayed with while we were in Odessa, Nathalia. He ran away from there once and returned. He then went to rehab for a while. But now, Anya says that he is doing well, a Christian and married with a kid. How great is that? So often do we meet someone and never get to hear what happened in their lives. God is so amazing and I feel so blessed that I got to hear Sergei's story.
The other story I'm going to copy out of my journal.
"On Wednesday our last day with kids at the park [in Kiev] went really well and I got to see Andre, the boy I went to Odessa with three years ago. He's grown up so much! He is so funny still and I am so happy I got to see him. Funniest thing he said was when I asked him 'so what have you been up to the past three years?' and he replied 'well the day after you left I woke up and felt like P Diddy'. [for anyone that doesn't know- that was a Ke$ha reference] The most impacting thing he said: "Everyone always says they are going to come back and they never do."

I didn't write anymore about it in my journal, but he went on. He said at when he first saw me, he didn't think it was actually me because he couldn't believe I came back. He said, "People shouldn't say that they will come back if they don't mean it. I know people just say things but still." I am so grateful that God is amazing and allowed me to come back to this country.
I didn't say I would come back when I left this time, but I really want to. I pray that it works out that I am able to. These stories are reasons why I think it is important to return to countries after mission trips. Right now my church at home is working on building a relationship with Haiti and going on trips consistently. I think that's awesome. Building relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world is not only important, but really a blessing to us who are visiting. It is a beautiful feeling to worship with others half way across the globe.

On Being American in Ukraine.

"You Americans smile too much." - Philip Masyuk
This Ukraine trip was not my first time out of the country. It wasn't even my first time to Ukraine. In my travel "experience" or whatever you want to call it, it's not a new thing to realize how loud we are as Americans. Going on the tube in London with a group of Americans was one of the most embarrassing things, but after a few weeks there we blended in like anyone else on the tube. Maybe we just weren't there long enough, but it would definitely take more than a few weeks to blend in in Ukraine (I mean not even thinking about the whole language barrier thing). My quote from Philip is a perfect example. Apparently, we smile too much. And besides being too loud, which is just a given where ever we go, we also greet people too friendly? That was probably one of the funniest things to discover. After playing with kids in Kiev for the afternoon we walked to our host Andrey's apartment to have dinner. As we walked in we greeted his wife in a normal way. "Hi Marina! Oh my gosh this smells so good [dinner]! Thank you!" etc. And I noticed Victor mimicking us. "haha Are you making fun of us?" I asked. He just laughed. He was! He then later explained how they thought that was so funny; how we greet so enthusiastically I guess. Which we do but I would say it's funny not to great with a smile.
That's not the only thing that makes us stand out. Apparently we just look American. I don't really know what that means, but we do. While taking a walk in the village we went to, Vapnarka, we passed by a wedding. The band was playing and people were dancing and as we walked by a band member said into the mic "Helllooo Americansss!" I mean in that case we were walking in a small village in a large group and stopping to stare at the wedding- so that may have given us away. It was funny anyway.
Fortunately for us, the kids love the "Amerikanskis" and being American was an automatic cool in their minds. I don't know how I feel about that and I don't think I want them to think I'm awesome just because I'm American, but without that, we wouldn't have been that big of a help on this trip- at least not the three days in Kiev between camp and Vapnarka.
During those three days we went in the afternoon to this area where there are a million tall apartment buildings to play with kids. The first day there we set up some crafts started playing and the kids just started coming. It was crazy and so cool. By the third day they were waiting for us, running and saying "Amerikanskis!!" When we left a few followed us to our bus to see us off. They were so fun and so cute. I hope that they do end up going to the kids club that our hosts told them about the last afternoon we were there. My friend from the last time I came to Ukraine came with us the last afternoon, and he told me how his girlfriend told him that she remembered when she was six years old some Americans, like us, came and played with her. She's 18 now and she remembers when she was six Americans came. To think that these kids are going to remember us 12 years from now is crazy and I hope I remember them 12 years from now too. Maybe I won't remember their faces or names, but I will remember them and Ukraine. This was not my last time coming to that country.

From Da To Ja

I'm going to take a quick break from the topic of Ukraine and write post I wrote in Germany.
August 10, 2011
Arriving in Germany I had plan A, B & C. My hopes were for plan A, but I had a bad feeling that they weren't going to work out. Plan A was my former foreign exchange student, Joana, would meet me at the airport and I would spend a fun 2 1/2 days with her and her friends- all of whom I love and miss. But being in Ukraine with out any contact with anyone for three weeks, I had a feeling the lack of communication was too long and she wouldn't be there. I was right. Plan B was Kinsey's former exchange student, Nadja. I had her number and tried to call her cell phone from the airport, but it was early and she didn't answer. Plan C- Will and Braden (two guys from my Loveworks team also staying in Germany for a couple days) get stuck with me. So I went with them. We randomly took the correct train and got to their hotel easily. Then with no sleep, except for a couple hours on the plane, for over 24hrs we scoured the city of Frankfurt, occasionally checking facebook on Will's iphone to try and contact Nadja or Joana.
So the story with Joana is confusing and I wish I handled it better towards the end, but I was exhausted. According to Joana she thought I was getting in the day before and was leaving for Atlanta for 2 months the next day, but I could hang out in Frankfurt with her for awhile (she would drive the 2hrs our there). By 3 she was in Frankfurt and I had just gotten back to the hotel from the zoo with the guys (random I know, but yeah I've been to the Frankfurt zoo). I was exhausted and felt like there was no possible way I could go figure out the subway system and find Joana and her boyfriend downtown. So I told her she had to find me-- and I was a little feisty about it, so it didn't go over well and she stopped talking to me. I feel bad because I really did want to see her and meet her boyfriend. Hopefully she forgives me.
After taking a nap I got a hold of Nadja as she got off work. I was able to take a 20min train ride out to her and she picked me up. Nadja to save the day! I'm so glad it worked out. They guys were so nice, but I would have felt really bad if I had to stay with them in their two bed hotel room.
So now I am writing this down [originally] in Nadja's sister's (Bianca) history class. Nadja had to work so I cam to school with Bianca. 11th grade- German high school. I've always said 17 was my favorite age. I have no idea what's going on, but it's funny. Tonight Nadja doesn't get home until 8, but then we are hanging out with her boyfriend so that will be fun. Then tomorrow I go home.
God really did work things out for good over all- though I'm still sad about not seeing Joana, Johannes, Christoph, Louisa and Stefan. Again I hope this doesn;t ruin mine and Joana's friendship. But I praise God for Nadja and her family's kindness and hospitality. I'm excited to go home tomorrow and sleep all day Friday. Not only will I be physically exhausted, but I know I'm going to be emotionally exhausted as well. I already miss Ukraine and the people and kids there.

The Three S's

August 21, 2011
If you like sweating, squatting, and sunflowers, Ukraine is the place for you. After two days in Ukraine that included a 14hr train ride- I've gained some knowledge. First I realized/ remembered exactly how much I sweat in Ukraine [substantially more than any other place I've been]/ how much people in general sweat in Ukraine. We spent the morning in Kiev and we were told it was in the high 80s with 90% humidity. It felt like a hot day under a crappy swamp cooler. We had our "orientation" with Cliff, which pretty much consisted of him scaring everyone about the train ride and how hot camp was going to be/ how horrible the food is. And then it was time to hope on the train. Ten Americans plus one Ukrainian with their own bags plus nine big duffel bags full of games and crafts was nothing short of comical to see try and get in and settle in with out causing to much of a disturbance. The first 5hrs of the train ride was like a sauna. I literally repeated in my head over and over "It's okay to be sweaty, you're okay being hot." I also tried to hold my pee, but 14hrs of staying hydrated also means bathroom breaks- and the bathroom on the train was not pleasant. The first time I went it was no big deal (successfully squatted etc). But apparently they don't like to change the toilet paper roll, because at 4:25 am after 2hrs of trying to hold it and go back to sleep there was none to be found. Our train got in at 6am and the train attendant guy enjoyed watching us try to get all our luggage off as quickly as possible. I don't blame him because we were all laughing as Craig chucked duffel bags in Katie's face for a quick exit.
By 7:30 am we arrived at camp exhausted for a full day with kids. Luckily the kids are adorable because let's be honest if they were ugly... [** I can't believe I actually wrote that] But seriously they're great. We felt like it was noon when we arrived so a breakfast of sausage and boodles was as bad as it will be tomorrow morning. After breakfast was murky water, seaweed excessive sea time. The water felt great, but trying to rinse off the sea weed afterwards- not so much. I thought sand was bad. But the kids loved us and despite the language barrier most of them are not shy. After swim time it was lunch and quiet time. Though we should have spent more time thinking up how to teach English, a nap seemed much more necessary. I was OUT. A fact which also didn't help the 2 sec before prep of English. We all aught and it went...ok. But we've talked and it will improve. Our translator, Masha, gave us some ideas too. Then it was games and then free time. Dinner was actually not bad, but chapel was probably the hardest thing. We thought we were told to sit amongst the kids- so we did, but we didn't have anyone to translate that way. You try staying awake in a hot room listening to Russian. Now we wait until 11pm for a staff meeting. Andrey (our "host", he picked us up and has taken us everywhere) showed us where to get ice cream. Maroshena. And now we are trying not to fall asleep before the meeting.
oh I forgot to mention the sunflowers on the way into camp. Like an ocean of yellow. Beautiful.

This Is Going To Be Explicit

August 20, 2011
"I feel like I have "TD", but we haven't even T'd yet."- was my probably infamous quote before we even got to LAX. Fortunately that has not been the case and on an 11hr 40 min flight to Munich I only got up to use the bathroom once. After traveling for 15 hrs we arrived in Kiev 25hrs later. The trip was long, but I slept a decent amount on the plane. We stayed at the Kiev Ministry Center/ Kiev First Church, where I stayed a couple nights three years ago. Dejavu. After showering and crawling onto the foam mattress to go to sleep 2hrs passed and a thunder/ lightening/ rain storm started. Needless to say I didn't sleep well last night. It's now 8:09 am and there's really no going back to sleep for me. This morning our tasks include looking through the 9 duffel bags of supplies we brought and deciding what to take to camp. We then eat lunch and have "orientation"- which is what Cliff Wright called it. He is one of the American missionaries here- I actually met him last time too. Around 4pm we hop n a 14hr- yes 14- train ride to camp. My expectations of the train ride come from my 12 hr Ukrainian train ride experience. Effing hot. But it will be an adventure. We arrive at 6 am and since the camp started yesterday all the kids will already be there. This going to be an exhausting trip, but I'm pretty excited. I'm also hungry so it's time to put something decent on and go eat.

What's To Come

So I'm finally home from my Loveworks trip to Ukraine. It was an amazing experience and will take more than one blog post to do it justice. The first couple days I wrote journal entries that I will rewrite on here and then I wrote one in Germany as well. After those I think I'll just sum up some of the things I'm processing now. So much to process as I get back to my life at home and then go to school. But for my three occasional readers (one being my mother) this for you to know what will be posted in the next couple days.