Ancipation and Hope: A Year In Review

We've been singing this song in youth group lately. It's called Oceans by Hillsong United. And whenever the bridge comes, I can't help but wonder if the people around me are as scared of what they are singing as I am.
The lyrics go like this:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters,
Wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior.

After a year like 2013, I don't know if I want to go deeper than my feet can wander and where my faith will be made stronger because what if that involves another affair? What if my life as I know it comes crashing down again? What if it is something within my own family? I can't do it. I've told God, if something happens to my parents' marriage I will not be able to handle it.

And I know this is crazy because God has shown Himself so incredibly faithful these past 12 months. From people on the camino to people at home and church to Amy's commitment to Christ and her marriage, I have seen God's incredible redeeming power. But the past 12 months have been incredibly painful.
I thought I would be completely healed after the camino. I mean the camino is a metaphor for life, Santiago is heaven - we are healed in heaven. My blisters were healed by the time I arrived to Santiago, why wasn't I?

But Santiago isn't heaven. It was just a glimpse of what is to come. And returning to the wounds of this world may be necessary, but that doesn't mean healing isn't coming. Pastor Dee talked about Haggai in a sermon last month and a couple of his points hit home. He said that we have to "acknowledge what has been so we can look forward to what is to come" and "The hope has not been met, but that doesn't mean the prayers should cease or the work stop." I cannot ignore what has happened, but I have to move on and cling to the hope in what is to come. And just because I don't feel completely healed, that doesn't mean I should stop praying or stop working to bring the Kingdom of God to earth.

My wounds have scabbed over, but I am still afraid of the scab getting torn off too soon and beginning to bleed again.
So as we celebrate the coming and anticipation of the return of Christ tomorrow, my prayer is one that Paul prays for the people of Ephesus in Ephesians 1:17-18

"...that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you"