I've had my last days of observing, and next semester I am going to begin my student teaching. Right now I am placed at Central Middle, but one of the English teachers at PV who is friends with my sister has requested me so I am hoping I am able to switch. Either way, come January I am going to have a much bigger part in the classroom than I have had observing. And I am nervous, excited, anxious, but pretty ready. I think the hardest part about observing was just sitting there most of the time. I wanted to help; I wanted to lead a discussion. I would be super nervous to do it, but the best part about student teaching is you have the actual teacher right there to instill confidence in you. And even though I didn't do much in my observation hours, when I was able to get involved the affirmation and confidence that came from Chris and Gina helped a lot. Sometimes you just need that approving nod that says "You got this" "Or you're fine, keep going."
That is one of the many things that I want to keep in mind when teaching my own students. We all need someone we respect to put their confidence in us. It means we can put some confidence in ourselves too.
I am going to remember Chris' ability to automatically think the best of someone, to apologize quickly and sincerely, to show how much she cares. I am going to remember the relationship that Gina and Chris built, one in which they were able to call each other out on things they thought could be improved. It wasn't just Chris telling Gina what to do, but Gina had the courage to talk to Chris about things that she thought needed to change as well.
I am really grateful for my observation experience, and it was by far the best part of the semester. The only part I really looked forward to actually. I am excited to start the program in January. I feel like I am finally taking some steps toward adulthood in something I can be passionate about. So, here it goes.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Sunday, December 7, 2014
"This is the profession you are coming into."
I went in for one of my last observation sessions on Friday. I might still go in this week just for fun, but Chris has already signed off on all my hours. But anyway, it was 7th period, and the students were watching the movie Race to Freedom. It's a movie about a few escaped black slaves using the underground railroad to reach Canada. The students came in per usual and as the movie began a girl came in late, clearly upset. She sat down and wasn't able to hold it together, tears silently streaming down her face. Chris went over with a tissue box and asked if she wanted to talk outside. They went out for a few minutes, and Chris came back in leaving her outside a little while longer until she felt like she could come back in. Chris sat down beside me and said, "I have to refer that student to counseling because her dad is a recovering addict and home life has gotten really rough. This is the profession you are coming into." She placed her hand on my knee as she said this and then got up to go to her desk and email one of the counselors.
I'd like to point out that I've worked with high school students in a youth group setting for about four years. I've heard a lot of sad things. But it's different being a youth staff. I expect to hear a lot of hard things. I want them to share and talk through it with me. And honestly, there was only one high school girl who I worked with that I can say had a shockingly hard life that left me confounded and helpless. I have friends who have been youth staff for multiple students like that. But those were just stories to me. Sad, but I was not involved.
For some reason, despite all the things people tell me and all my professors this year tell me, I seemed to think that as a teacher I would be separate from all that. Or I think I knew that all this happened and teachers can be confidants for students, but maybe because I never talked to a teacher like that in high school it was hard for me to imagine.
There have been a couple instances while I've observed that issues like this have been brought to my attention. And I'm annoyed at myself for always being taken back. But like as I mentioned when talking about a student in my last post, if I am affected this way every time teaching is going to be pretty overwhelming. Part of me wants to get a little hardened to be able to handle things. But honestly, that's what I'm afraid of happening. I know as a teacher I am not allowed to talk about God. But I hope that through my actions, through the way I am affected by the sad things my students have to go through, through the way I want to help them, I am able to bring the Kingdom of God to Earth a little bit. Because yes, I want to be a great teacher, but ultimately I want the hope of Christ and his love to be shown.
I'd like to point out that I've worked with high school students in a youth group setting for about four years. I've heard a lot of sad things. But it's different being a youth staff. I expect to hear a lot of hard things. I want them to share and talk through it with me. And honestly, there was only one high school girl who I worked with that I can say had a shockingly hard life that left me confounded and helpless. I have friends who have been youth staff for multiple students like that. But those were just stories to me. Sad, but I was not involved.
For some reason, despite all the things people tell me and all my professors this year tell me, I seemed to think that as a teacher I would be separate from all that. Or I think I knew that all this happened and teachers can be confidants for students, but maybe because I never talked to a teacher like that in high school it was hard for me to imagine.
There have been a couple instances while I've observed that issues like this have been brought to my attention. And I'm annoyed at myself for always being taken back. But like as I mentioned when talking about a student in my last post, if I am affected this way every time teaching is going to be pretty overwhelming. Part of me wants to get a little hardened to be able to handle things. But honestly, that's what I'm afraid of happening. I know as a teacher I am not allowed to talk about God. But I hope that through my actions, through the way I am affected by the sad things my students have to go through, through the way I want to help them, I am able to bring the Kingdom of God to Earth a little bit. Because yes, I want to be a great teacher, but ultimately I want the hope of Christ and his love to be shown.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
A Student's Ability to Self Reflect
I am naturally a reflective person. I think about things; often I think about things too much. But I also think about implications- the implications of my actions, of their living situation, of their actions toward me, etc. This is why I love literature. I love thinking about the characters, their actions, their relationships, how their past effects them. Not only is this now how all people think naturally, but even more so, when it gets personal, it's often painful. And people refuse to think in such a way. I often take for granted that this is not how every one else thinks. And every so often there are moments when I am reminded of this.
For example, I was reminded of this when reading some of the 9th grade regular placement English class self narratives before Thanksgiving break. Before anything else, I think this is a great assignment. Part of a literature class is to teach students how to think reflectively. And teachers learn a lot about a student when the assignment is to talk about a defining moment of their life. It gives the students a little more context; it helps the teachers understand where they're coming from. For me at least, this context gives me more room for compassion toward them. But going back to not wanting to think reflectively, I came across such a case when reading a certain students' narrative. It was hardly a narrative. It was hand written, one page front and back. There was no theme. He told of no defining moment. He told of no lessons learned. It was more of a description of his family situation. He lives with his grandma, and recently his grandfather died. I wanted to go back in time and take him aside and say "There! That can be your moment!" when I read the sentence about his grandfather's death. But he skipped over it, and went on to say that he is still grateful for the people in his life that have been family to him. It was like he started to go into a touchy subject and pulled out of it before he could dwell on it. I showed it to the student teacher, Gina, after class. She glanced and pointed out his title that he had erased, but still showed: "What Family."
I can't get this kid out of my mind. He is awful in class. He lies about finishing assignments, brags to his peers about not doing his reading, and does not stop talking to and distracting the students around him. When they were returning their Frederick Douglas books to the library, I heard him turn to the kid next to him and say "Didn't read a page" in a bragging, cocky voice that only a high school boy can pull off. I have thought to myself, "Wow, he is the type of student I dread having." And then I read his paper: a paper that deserves an F. But it all makes a little more sense. He is a happy kid; and if he stops talking, if he stops to read something sad, if he stops to think about anything serious, he has to think about his own life. The title "What family" comes in his mind, and he quickly erases it. I can almost hear him saying to himself, "Yeah, but I'm fine. I have other people. I'm fine," like he is trying to convince himself of something he does not actually believe. And as I think about this student, I think what am I going to do with students like this? Students who refuse to stop because it's too much. English is subject that requires a lot of reflection. I want my students to learn how to reflect on their own lives as well as the lives of others. I want them to learn how to be compassionate. But I can't force them to do that. Giving him an F isn't going to force him to come to terms with the absence of family that he goes home to. Maybe I'm thinking too deeply into this. Maybe living with his grandma is actually really great, and his is just naturally a punk kid. But I have a harder time accepting that. Like I said, I can't get him out of my mind. So much so that he made it on to my prayer canvas in my room. I don't even know the names 90% of the students in his class, but his name made it specifically in my prayers. There is really nothing else I can do for him. I think I am going to talk to Chris about him this week and ask how she deals with students like him. Because if I take students home with me like this, I'm going to have a really overwhelming teaching experience.
For example, I was reminded of this when reading some of the 9th grade regular placement English class self narratives before Thanksgiving break. Before anything else, I think this is a great assignment. Part of a literature class is to teach students how to think reflectively. And teachers learn a lot about a student when the assignment is to talk about a defining moment of their life. It gives the students a little more context; it helps the teachers understand where they're coming from. For me at least, this context gives me more room for compassion toward them. But going back to not wanting to think reflectively, I came across such a case when reading a certain students' narrative. It was hardly a narrative. It was hand written, one page front and back. There was no theme. He told of no defining moment. He told of no lessons learned. It was more of a description of his family situation. He lives with his grandma, and recently his grandfather died. I wanted to go back in time and take him aside and say "There! That can be your moment!" when I read the sentence about his grandfather's death. But he skipped over it, and went on to say that he is still grateful for the people in his life that have been family to him. It was like he started to go into a touchy subject and pulled out of it before he could dwell on it. I showed it to the student teacher, Gina, after class. She glanced and pointed out his title that he had erased, but still showed: "What Family."
I can't get this kid out of my mind. He is awful in class. He lies about finishing assignments, brags to his peers about not doing his reading, and does not stop talking to and distracting the students around him. When they were returning their Frederick Douglas books to the library, I heard him turn to the kid next to him and say "Didn't read a page" in a bragging, cocky voice that only a high school boy can pull off. I have thought to myself, "Wow, he is the type of student I dread having." And then I read his paper: a paper that deserves an F. But it all makes a little more sense. He is a happy kid; and if he stops talking, if he stops to read something sad, if he stops to think about anything serious, he has to think about his own life. The title "What family" comes in his mind, and he quickly erases it. I can almost hear him saying to himself, "Yeah, but I'm fine. I have other people. I'm fine," like he is trying to convince himself of something he does not actually believe. And as I think about this student, I think what am I going to do with students like this? Students who refuse to stop because it's too much. English is subject that requires a lot of reflection. I want my students to learn how to reflect on their own lives as well as the lives of others. I want them to learn how to be compassionate. But I can't force them to do that. Giving him an F isn't going to force him to come to terms with the absence of family that he goes home to. Maybe I'm thinking too deeply into this. Maybe living with his grandma is actually really great, and his is just naturally a punk kid. But I have a harder time accepting that. Like I said, I can't get him out of my mind. So much so that he made it on to my prayer canvas in my room. I don't even know the names 90% of the students in his class, but his name made it specifically in my prayers. There is really nothing else I can do for him. I think I am going to talk to Chris about him this week and ask how she deals with students like him. Because if I take students home with me like this, I'm going to have a really overwhelming teaching experience.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Taking the Initiative
So there have been a few reoccurring themes happening since I have moved back up to Northern California, and this one relates to teaching the most I think. It's my need to take initiative. I just need to do. If I want to do more in the classroom I observe in, I need to do it. Chris leaves the door wide open for me to be involved and welcomes it when I am. But she can only do so much for me. I need to speak up. I need to get involved. I had to take roll the other day in the film class, and I tried to hand it off to one of the senior boys. He said no, I should do it. His friend said "You're the adult in here. We believe in you." The last comment was funny and nice, but also a weird moment. I worked for the YMCA in their before and after school program down in San Diego, and I just got hired to do the same thing for CARD (Chico area recreation and park district). In that setting, it is obvious that I am the adult. Though I am seeing in this new position with CARD that I need to take more initiative with the kids instead of seeing what the other staff does. But still, again, I am obviously the adult compared to the K-6th graders. In a classroom with senior boys and girls who are all taller than me and half of them look my age, I am still the adult. I know that when I am forced in a situation, I can take initiative. But I think an area that I need to grow is being able to take charge even when there are other people there that are able. I shouldn't always wait for someone else to take control.
This concept of taking initiative, of being bold really, will play out into much more of my life than teaching. But it will definitely make me a better teacher. It will give me the centered aspect that multiple of my books this semester have said a teacher needs to have. I think this new job with CARD and my continued observation hours will give me more opportunities to practice this before I start my student teaching next semester.
This concept of taking initiative, of being bold really, will play out into much more of my life than teaching. But it will definitely make me a better teacher. It will give me the centered aspect that multiple of my books this semester have said a teacher needs to have. I think this new job with CARD and my continued observation hours will give me more opportunities to practice this before I start my student teaching next semester.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Something to Remember
Last Wednesday was a super fun day to observe. Usually, I just kind of hang out, listening, looking at their assignment, reading through a few essays. But I got to participate in the conversation on Wednesday. Chris is totally open to me participating at any time, but Wednesday, I don't know, I just decided to speak out. The students were working on a paragraph about how slavery changed Mrs. Auld in Frederick Douglass' slave narrative, using quotes and commentary, etc. The student teacher Gina was leading the discussion while Chris was writing down what they said on the computer which was displayed on the board up front.
This is what I noticed: Chris had this certain idea in her head that she wanted the students to get to. She had her ideas about why Mrs. Auld changed, and because she was working so hard to get her thoughts out, she stopped listening to the students. Gina would call on students, they would say their opinion and it was like Chris didn't hear them. She didn't write down what they said, and at times would shut their idea down. It wasn't malicious at all, but I think the students could tell that she had something in her head that she wanted them to get to. And after awhile of not getting it, fewer suggestions and opinions from the students came forth. I didn't say anything profound. In fact, Chris shut my idea down too. But I wanted to help, and I wanted to affirm some of the students. So I chose a girl whom Chris had unintentionally ignored and affirmed her thought and tried to twist it into what I thought Chris might have been getting at. Like I said, I wasn't right in Chris' mind. But I hope that girl felt valued. The paragraph didn't get finished, and Chris had Gina and I finish it for them so they could see an example (as their homework was to write a paragraph like that themselves. We came up with something that satisfied Chris, and that was the end of that.
I don't write this with any negative feelings toward Chris. I could say how that was awful of her, and I will never do that as a teacher. But I can't say that because I totally get it. I have had moments when I am trying to put a thought to words, and people are suggesting ideas or sharing their thoughts and I'm not even listening. I am really glad that I got to see this happen because it's something I never saw becoming a problem. I hope to remember this moment so I can be more self aware when I am teaching. I think what Chris did was a very human thing to do, and I don't blame her. But I want to learn from her mistakes as well as her successes- because that's what observing is about.
This is what I noticed: Chris had this certain idea in her head that she wanted the students to get to. She had her ideas about why Mrs. Auld changed, and because she was working so hard to get her thoughts out, she stopped listening to the students. Gina would call on students, they would say their opinion and it was like Chris didn't hear them. She didn't write down what they said, and at times would shut their idea down. It wasn't malicious at all, but I think the students could tell that she had something in her head that she wanted them to get to. And after awhile of not getting it, fewer suggestions and opinions from the students came forth. I didn't say anything profound. In fact, Chris shut my idea down too. But I wanted to help, and I wanted to affirm some of the students. So I chose a girl whom Chris had unintentionally ignored and affirmed her thought and tried to twist it into what I thought Chris might have been getting at. Like I said, I wasn't right in Chris' mind. But I hope that girl felt valued. The paragraph didn't get finished, and Chris had Gina and I finish it for them so they could see an example (as their homework was to write a paragraph like that themselves. We came up with something that satisfied Chris, and that was the end of that.
I don't write this with any negative feelings toward Chris. I could say how that was awful of her, and I will never do that as a teacher. But I can't say that because I totally get it. I have had moments when I am trying to put a thought to words, and people are suggesting ideas or sharing their thoughts and I'm not even listening. I am really glad that I got to see this happen because it's something I never saw becoming a problem. I hope to remember this moment so I can be more self aware when I am teaching. I think what Chris did was a very human thing to do, and I don't blame her. But I want to learn from her mistakes as well as her successes- because that's what observing is about.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
A Glimpse Into the Future
It has been cool to be able to observe in a classroom with a student teacher. Gina is in the Mascot program, so it will be a little different when I go into the student teaching program. I won't be teaching as much right off the bat, and I'll switch classes and possibly schools at the semester. I'm sure there are more differences, but those are the big ones that I know at least. But it is still really nice to talk to her about her experience so far. She has been reassuring in telling me that though it is a lot of work, she's having a lot of fun. And I can see that in the way she interacts with the students. They ask her if she is going to the football game that week. They try to give her nicknames like "G Spice" (Gina Spadorcio is her name). Not only is it evident that she likes her students, but they also really like her. There is a lot of laughter in the classroom. She helps build that family that Chris talked to me about.
I know that I am not going to have the same experience as Gina. I'm not Gina; I'm not in the Mascot program, and I'm going to have Chris as my master teacher. But it is still nice to observe someone who is just a semester ahead of you on the journey. It's encouraging. And I look forward to becoming more a part of Chris and Gina's classroom as the semester goes on. I can feel myself becoming more comfortable around the students, and I hope that there are more lessons that I am able to help out with in some way.
I know that I am not going to have the same experience as Gina. I'm not Gina; I'm not in the Mascot program, and I'm going to have Chris as my master teacher. But it is still nice to observe someone who is just a semester ahead of you on the journey. It's encouraging. And I look forward to becoming more a part of Chris and Gina's classroom as the semester goes on. I can feel myself becoming more comfortable around the students, and I hope that there are more lessons that I am able to help out with in some way.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
The Unique Creature Known As a "Freshman Boy"
I got the chance to observe one of Chris' regular freshman English classes. Not only was this class not the honors class, but I came for 7th period on a Friday. The difference between the honors class and the regular class was to be expected and though a little nuts, not as frightening to me as I thought it would be.
At the beginning of class they were to write down definitions of words that were going to show up in the book they were about to read: Narrative of the Life of Fredrick Douglas. Chris and her co teacher Gina had to work so hard to get the class, specifically the boys, to quiet down and write their definitions. I thought this was a really good idea though because it would help with their comprehension of a pretty heavy book. Later they began reading the book out loud, and whenever a vocabulary word was read someone would say "ding ding" and point it out. They finally quieted down as Chris read the first part of the narrative out loud, and some even had some interesting questions to ask about slave laws at the time.
All in all I think Chris and Gina did a good job and managing the students, but I think I would have to do something different. It took them a really long time to get started, and too much chaos stresses me out. It also really bothers me if someone makes light of something so serious, and sitting where I was I heard a few inappropriate jokes about whipping and abuse. I plan to make it really clear that my one rule is about respect - respecting others, your surroundings, and yourself. But I also understand that the freshman boy is a unique creature of whom I have little understanding. And I might be lucky to get as far as Chris has gotten in managing them. I find them hilarious, frustrating, and ridiculous all at the same time. Gina told me she has a word document where she writes down the different ridiculous stuff they say. I love that. And as crazy as that 7th period class was, I look forward to getting to interact with students like that. I'm sure there will be many days that I do not look forward to it, but I hope to keep my sense of humor with me and am able to laugh things off and start over the next day.
I also got the chance to do some paper editing, first with the honors class papers and then with a regular class paper. The paper from the student in regular English 9 was pretty bad. I didn't really know where to begin. That is honestly going to be the hardest part of teaching for me I think. I'm going to want to have one on one meetings with every students to go over their papers, and I don't know if I would have enough time for that. But I have time to figure it out. And I'm glad to be observing in a class to see how Chris deals with it.
At the beginning of class they were to write down definitions of words that were going to show up in the book they were about to read: Narrative of the Life of Fredrick Douglas. Chris and her co teacher Gina had to work so hard to get the class, specifically the boys, to quiet down and write their definitions. I thought this was a really good idea though because it would help with their comprehension of a pretty heavy book. Later they began reading the book out loud, and whenever a vocabulary word was read someone would say "ding ding" and point it out. They finally quieted down as Chris read the first part of the narrative out loud, and some even had some interesting questions to ask about slave laws at the time.
All in all I think Chris and Gina did a good job and managing the students, but I think I would have to do something different. It took them a really long time to get started, and too much chaos stresses me out. It also really bothers me if someone makes light of something so serious, and sitting where I was I heard a few inappropriate jokes about whipping and abuse. I plan to make it really clear that my one rule is about respect - respecting others, your surroundings, and yourself. But I also understand that the freshman boy is a unique creature of whom I have little understanding. And I might be lucky to get as far as Chris has gotten in managing them. I find them hilarious, frustrating, and ridiculous all at the same time. Gina told me she has a word document where she writes down the different ridiculous stuff they say. I love that. And as crazy as that 7th period class was, I look forward to getting to interact with students like that. I'm sure there will be many days that I do not look forward to it, but I hope to keep my sense of humor with me and am able to laugh things off and start over the next day.
I also got the chance to do some paper editing, first with the honors class papers and then with a regular class paper. The paper from the student in regular English 9 was pretty bad. I didn't really know where to begin. That is honestly going to be the hardest part of teaching for me I think. I'm going to want to have one on one meetings with every students to go over their papers, and I don't know if I would have enough time for that. But I have time to figure it out. And I'm glad to be observing in a class to see how Chris deals with it.
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