Here It Goes.

I've had my last days of observing, and next semester I am going to begin my student teaching. Right now I am placed at Central Middle, but one of the English teachers at PV who is friends with my sister has requested me so I am hoping I am able to switch. Either way, come January I am going to have a much bigger part in the classroom than I have had observing. And I am nervous, excited, anxious, but pretty ready. I think the hardest part about observing was just sitting there most of the time. I wanted to help; I wanted to lead a discussion. I would be super nervous to do it, but the best part about student teaching is you have the actual teacher right there to instill confidence in you. And even though I didn't do much in my observation hours, when I was able to get involved the affirmation and confidence that came from Chris and Gina helped a lot. Sometimes you just need that approving nod that says "You got this" "Or you're fine, keep going."
That is one of the many things that I want to keep in mind when teaching my own students. We all need someone we respect to put their confidence in us. It means we can put some confidence in ourselves too.
I am going to remember Chris' ability to automatically think the best of someone, to apologize quickly and sincerely, to show how much she cares. I am going to remember the relationship that Gina and Chris built, one in which they were able to call each other out on things they thought could be improved. It wasn't just Chris telling Gina what to do, but Gina had the courage to talk to Chris about things that she thought needed to change as well.
I am really grateful for my observation experience, and it was by far the best part of the semester. The only part I really looked forward to actually. I am excited to start the program in January. I feel like I am finally taking some steps toward adulthood in something I can be passionate about. So, here it goes.

"This is the profession you are coming into."

I went in for one of my last observation sessions on Friday. I might still go in this week just for fun, but Chris has already signed off on all my hours. But anyway, it was 7th period, and the students were watching the movie Race to Freedom. It's a movie about a few escaped black slaves using the underground railroad to reach Canada. The students came in per usual and as the movie began a girl came in late, clearly upset. She sat down and wasn't able to hold it together, tears silently streaming down her face. Chris went over with a tissue box and asked if she wanted to talk outside. They went out for a few minutes, and Chris came back in leaving her outside a little while longer until she felt like she could come back in. Chris sat down beside me and said, "I have to refer that student to counseling because her dad is a recovering addict and home life has gotten really rough. This is the profession you are coming into." She placed her hand on my knee as she said this and then got up to go to her desk and email one of the counselors.
I'd like to point out that I've worked with high school students in a youth group setting for about four years. I've heard a lot of sad things. But it's different being a youth staff. I expect to hear a lot of hard things. I want them to share and talk through it with me. And honestly, there was only one high school girl who I worked with that I can say had a shockingly hard life that left me confounded and helpless. I have friends who have been youth staff for multiple students like that. But those were just stories to me. Sad, but I was not involved.
For some reason, despite all the things people tell me and all my professors this year tell me, I seemed to think that as a teacher I would be separate from all that. Or I think I knew that all this happened and teachers can be confidants for students, but maybe because I never talked to a teacher like that in high school it was hard for me to imagine.
There have been a couple instances while I've observed that issues like this have been brought to my attention. And I'm annoyed at myself for always being taken back. But like as I mentioned when talking about a student in my last post, if I am affected this way every time teaching is going to be pretty overwhelming. Part of me wants to get a little hardened to be able to handle things. But honestly, that's what I'm afraid of happening. I know as a teacher I am not allowed to talk about God. But I hope that through my actions, through the way I am affected by the sad things my students have to go through, through the way I want to help them, I am able to bring the Kingdom of God to Earth a little bit. Because yes, I want to be a great teacher, but ultimately I want the hope of Christ and his love to be shown.